In the beginning...

... there was Fizzy Leg.


Fizzy Leg has been around - on and off - for about ten years, give or take. Fizzy Leg is the result of the sciatic nerve having got itself semi-trapped in some joint or other in my right hip.


Fizzy Leg comes and goes. It doesn't hurt, but it's a damn nuisance all the same. It's a pins and needles kind of effect. Or, as I read once in a novel which I have otherwise completely forgotten, "a case of the sparklies". Although that makes it sound a lot cuter than it actually is.


Rubbing and slapping the affected area makes no appreciable difference whatsoever. But I still do it. Shouting and swearing at the leg makes even less difference. But I still do that, too.



Surprisingly, not only is it irritating enough to prevent me from getting off to sleep in the first place, it can also be irritating enough to wake me up if it doesn't really get going until one of those rare occasions when I have actually managed to fall asleep.


You know when dental anaesthesia is wearing off a bit and you can feel your jaw with your finger, but you can't feel your finger with your jaw? My right thigh is often like that. Half fizzy, half numb. It's mostly a cold sensation, but occasionally - and quite disturbingly - it's fizzy and warm. At which point I tend to be quite conscious of the fact that it's a good job it's on the side of my leg which faces out...


Ahem.


Anyway, no longer content with simply being fizzy, my beloved sciatic nerve has recently decided to try out some new and more ambitious sensations.


We started with Prickly Leg. Quite similar to Fizzy Leg, but with that bracing, additional "just fallen in a patch of nettles" edge to it. Nice.



Top favourite of late, though, is Stabby Leg.



Now, I've no doubt nerves are wonderful, miraculous things, and we'd be lost without them. And, really, I have to take my metaphorical hat off to any nerve which can create such a variety of interesting sensations. But Stabby Leg really bloody hurts.





Stabby Leg is a bit like being jabbed viciously and repeatedly in the thigh with a sharpened pencil. Or being bitten by an insect with inordinately powerful jaws. This is Not Fun. And no amount of swiping at it and yelling, "Ow, ow, you bastard!!" (an exclamation which can tend to lead to a certain degree of consternation in the office environment) will Make It Stop. Plus, of course, it laughs in the face of pain meds.

(Yes, I know you know what a sharpened pencil looks like: I just think blog entries without illustrations can be disappointing. And, quite frankly, this particular blog entry is so dull that it needs all the help it can get...)

And why am I boring you with this relatively-minor symptom resulting from the car crash which is my lower back? Because I've been trying to get to sleep and the poxy thing has forced me back out of bed, is why. I'd phone Pop and whimper pitifully in his direction, but he'll have been fast asleep these two hours. So I've blogged instead. But feel free to ignore. This is, after all, just something I'm doing to take my mind off my leg. And also - if I'm lucky - the change in position from lying down to sitting up at the computer - will reposition the nerve just enough for the stabbing to stop.

Ho hum.

The Editor